I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
