HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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