My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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