I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
