I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
