On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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