Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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