he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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