i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
