Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
