Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
True but thats because hes a fetus.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
