What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
