Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
