Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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