I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
