"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
