I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
