People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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