The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
