Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize