I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
