dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
