Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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