Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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