You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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