i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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