Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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