is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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