I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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