thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
