Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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