I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
