I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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