is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
