put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
