my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
