my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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