i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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