I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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