As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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