Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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