You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You need Xanax blowdarts
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
