omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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