yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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