At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
