I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
