Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
