The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
