its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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