As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize