and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
