garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't like sucking hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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