Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
