How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
