He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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