seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
