Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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