I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
