it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
