id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
