awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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