i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
