i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
