For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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