Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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