so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
