What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
