halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
