I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
